family...

.... yes my family ... touchy subject... but something happened tonight that just makes me wanna run away and live with some one i can trust... sad to say

but here i go

so i might have told some of you about my mother.... how when i was 8 she got arrested for meth... of course i didnt know it at the time. and then when we moved out to georgia she got addicted to cocaine and i found out she was smoking weed all my life and yeah... that made me go crazy because i hate drugs and i have all my life ... but that was the cause of me moving up here... my mom soon got arrested for cocaine... well she got out by going to drug court after some time in jail. she said she cleaned up her act and what not. well i got down there the summer after n i found out my dad was smoking weed along with my mom... and extra drama and drunkedness included..... just annoying stuff i grew up with sadly....

well anyways i came up to tennessee to get rid of the stupid crap that my parents did all my life and start new you know? well haha i guess i moved in with the wrong people to get away from that... i started going to church... my aunt tried to convince me there was no god.... and how it was made up by the government to control people easier with believes put into their heads... my uncle always uses the church against me saying god wont clean my room or give me a paycheck and other stupid stuff like that...

well come to find out really soon my aunt and uncle also have a nice little habit of having one to many drinks... and they always come home a little on the drunk side... im not going to say what all has happened... cause that would take to long ...

my aunt i found out also smokes weed.... isnt that just freaking hilarious!? man what kind of mess do i get myself into!?

well yeah my uncle came home drunk today... and went off on my aunt and broke a whole bunch of things (including my grandmas 5000$ table she got from her mom who passed away like 9 months ago)

soon after that he decided to throw my cousin out... and yeah said luckily i have a job or else id be in the same position...


but why do i have to deal with this ALL my life? why cant i just run away and live with some one i can trust? why the crap do i have to put up with the stupidity of elders?!? how am i supposed to learn how i need to be if i cant even see any good in them. i learn off the bad but still! why do i have to learn that way!?!? im so freaking over it


Job 6:8
"Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for

africa

people at work today were talking about how americas getting ready for another depression... i hope not, but i was working and not really listening and then some guy named john clark said something about africa. i turned my head and he was like YEAH when i was in the army i was out in africa serving our country and you wanna talk about poor look at those savages! they're so F****** hungry but what do they do to help them selfs! all they do is f*** and fight with one another! everytime i went through a small town and see the flys land on the kids i would bust up laughing! ... ... i couldnt stand it anymore and i just went off... i told him its not the womens fault the soldiers rape them and its not the kids faults theirs war everyday taking place! its not their fault they dont have food like we do. its not their fault they weren't blessed like we are! he just sat there and said... i dont care what you say... this is how i feel. but yeah... long story short he kept pressing the issue on to me later and was saying how its stupid celebrities are helping out kids in other countries and adopting them when we have kids in america who are poor and cant feed them selfs... which is true but... idk just people make me mad...

i really want to go to africa... experience it for myself...

Psalm 9:18
But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish.

well..

it sucks when you feel your self slipping away from god. Whats worse is I know I am and im not doing a thing about it. prayers have gone out the door for the most part. my bible sits lonely beside my bed... Im in the "im sorry god i promise ill change... but give me a minute" phase. Maybe thats why a lot isnt going as smooth as it once was? or maybe this huge bump is causing me to fly off track... who knows ........ hopefully once school lets out, ill have a lot less stress...

john p. talked last night about futures... our jobs and everything... man how i wanted to be a pro baseball player in the 5th grade... i like thinking back to those times and being COMPLETELY clueless to the surroundings around me... but anyways i really want to be helping out the IC program as a lot of you know... but is it right? idk... at least i've got another year to think about it right? i really wanna be like ....... in some 3rd world country doing something... or in Canada... lol random but i bet you it'd be peaceful! thats what i thought about tennessee though when i came out here in 7th grade (exactly where im living now, oh the irony) for a family reunion...

light of the world, you step down into darkness
opened my eyes, let me see.

ah the wonders of his ever lasting love lol. i wish he could just open my eyes again. just to show me what im supposed to do... no one knows with what but my gosh it'd be wonderful to live with them again...


James 1:5-6 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

some things

wow... its been a few weeks... but yeah...

so last night i was at work and all the sudden i see a guy walking down the road... im like .. whos this guy? he was staring at us working so i waved and he waved and went on by.... i take a glance at him as hes walking away and he had a sign on his back. "Walking from New York to California. i was just like... wow... thats crazy! so yeah... today im driving home and all the sudden i see this guy again! im like wow whats the odds. so i pull over ask him what all hes doing and he said what he was doing was proving that Americas still the best country in the world and that when he was a child he was told that his generation (Hannah Moore) was going to be the most destructive and war filled generation. and he wants to prove that theirs still hope for everyone and ... i honestly dont know what that has to do with walking across America. but anyway to raise awareness right!? i gave him a few bucks and yeah i guess something on the sign i missed was that he had a website. its paintatlas.com check it out if you have some time. his names Hakim and i just wanna share that info with you... lol actually if we woulda had the car wash today he would have walked by cause i met him right infront of that store!

walking for awareness .... what a concept...

i wish more people would get off their butts some times...

Mark 10:27 "...With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."